Growing up, one of my favorite shows on TV (before streaming really became a thing) was Avatar: The Last Airbender. For the uninitiated, this was a cartoon on Nickelodeon set in a world inspired by feudal China, however, in this world, martial artists were able to manipulate the “four elements” of water, earth, fire, and air through their qi. The titular avatar was a master of all four elements, whereas most, if not all other elemental “benders,” were limited to interacting with one. The avatar also ideally serves as a spiritual leader that provides balance between the nations and exists throughout the ages via a cycle of reincarnation. In this world, the fire nation serves as a primary antagonist, attacking the other nations at an opportune time and attempting to end the cycle of reincarnation that allows for the avatar to exist throughout the ages by essentially destroying all the air nomads: the people to which the next avatar would be born.

There are so many things that could be written about this series: allegories about industrialization, war, genocide, culture, the intertwining of religious and political ideologies. All this for a cartoon whose primary audience is intended to be children. The show can be remarkably deep and features a host of complex characters. Here, we’re going to talk about perhaps one of the greatest cartoon characters of all time, and certainly the greatest tea appreciator of all time: Iroh.

The brother of the tyrant Firelord Ozai and uncle to Prince Zuko, Iroh is a complex character who exemplifies the principles of spiritualism, mindfulness, gratitude, balance, and forgiveness. He is a respected warrior within the fire nation, earning the title “the dragon of the west” for his ferocity, ability to firebend with his breath, and killing the last two dragons in existence (SPOILERS! A feat which was a farce that he created to actually save the dragons from extinction). This event and the traumatic loss of his only son, Liu Ten, opened Iroh’s eyes to the violence and hatred surrounding him.

From the beginning of the series, we see Iroh as an older man who has spent years learning from his mistakes, cultivating wisdom, and atoning for the violence that earned him praise in his youth by mentoring his deeply hurt and resentful nephew to be a better person, while simultaneously spreading his positive outlook to others. He has often been called the greatest fictional therapist of all time.

Iroh shows great compassion and wisdom through his actions, engaging in charity even while in exile, penniless himself, offering shelter and kind words to others, and displaying an apparent limitless amount of patience for his nephew. He deeply enjoys tea and offers that enjoyment freely to others as a connection and opportunity to be mindful of the present moment. Iroh as a character exemplifies various principles of therapy, wellness, and spiritualism, with his universal positive regard and continuous reframing of negative situations. But there are some specific profundities that I think many people could benefit from hearing.

“It is important to draw wisdom from many different places. If you only take it from one place, it becomes rigid and stale. Understanding others will help you become whole.”

After his time as a general, Iroh explored all four nations of the world, seeking to understand the differing viewpoints that other cultures had to share. The author Mark Twain once wrote, “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.” Meeting other people, having the humility to be open to differing viewpoints without immediate defensiveness or desire to correct, can open oneself up to truly flexible thinking. A key part of systems therapy is that everyone’s behavior makes sense in the context of their own worldview. By seeking to understand that worldview, you can understand their thoughts and behavior. This is how true connections are formed.

“Perfection and power are overrated. I think you are wise to choose happiness and love.”

The current world we live in seems to encourage us to always be hustling, always be on the grind to make more, achieve more. While this may work for some, many people are hurt by this philosophy. I’m not talking about the very real cases where people need to work long hours and make drastic sacrifices for their health and well-being just to scrape by to survive—that is a different conversation regarding the dysfunctional systems we live in. I refer to those who have the means of living a perfectly comfortable life and perhaps may feel satisfied with that if there weren’t these external pressures that make them feel so incredibly guilty or ashamed that they are not out there trying to earn an extra dollar. I have seen relationships suffer because one or both partners are too caught up in work to appreciate the connection available to them at home, and I have seen people devote all their time to work only to realize that as a result, they don’t even know who they are outside of it.

This feeds directly into the next set of quotes:Zuko: “Have you ever thought that I want more from life than a nice apartment and a job serving tea?”Iroh: “There is nothing wrong with a life of peace and prosperity, I suggest you think about what it is that you want from your life and why.”Zuko: “I want my destiny.”Iroh: “What that means is up to you.”

And:Iroh (to Zuko): “It’s time for you to look inward and start asking yourself the big questions. Who are you and what do you want?”

The first quote clearly relates to the themes of contentment and appreciation for what you currently have but finishes with a strong sense of both existentialism and an attempt to foster what is called an “internal locus of control.” The second quote reinforces that theme. The messages we receive from society, and smaller groups such as friends and family, mold our perceptions of what we think we “should” be doing with our lives. The reality is that not everyone operates on the same timeline, not everyone has the same goals, and even if people share similar goals, the ways they can go about achieving them often differ greatly. This is a reminder that the only one who gets to live your life is you. There may be familial, cultural, or societal messaging that what you are doing or how you are doing it is somehow wrong, but if you are trying your best, that’s perfectly fine.

“Sometimes life is like this dark tunnel. You can’t always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you just keep moving, you will come to a better place.”

If you’ve ever had that friend or been that friend that when someone asks “how are you” and the reply is “I’m just going through it right now,” this one’s for you. The thing about “going through it” is that you have to keep moving. It sucks and may be painful, but it’s not permanent; eventually, you get through. I speak of this as someone who has (like most therapists) struggled with mental health and as someone with a chronic illness. Sometimes you’re just going through it, but if you keep moving, even if it’s one day at a time, it's possible to make it.

Zuko: “This city is a prison, I don’t want to make a life here.”Iroh: “Life happens wherever you are, whether you make it or not.”

Highly related to the previous quote, so I won’t belabor the point; however, this exemplifies principles of both CBT and ACT in recognizing that sometimes, we can’t change our situation. The only thing we can work on is our mindset.

“There is nothing wrong with letting people who love you help you.”

Asking for help can be one of the hardest things to do. It can make people feel vulnerable or weak. It can go against notions that one must be completely self-sufficient or constantly providing value to be of worth. This feeling is called counter-dependence and is often the product of mismanaged expectations in childhood. Asking for or accepting help from others is a show of strength—that you are comfortable in feeling uncomfortable and that you recognize that no one person can do everything alone.

Iroh: “You must let go of your feelings of shame if you want your anger to go away.”Zuko: “I don’t feel any shame at all. I’m as proud as ever.”Iroh: “Pride is not the opposite of shame but its source. True humility is the only antidote for shame.”

Chef’s kiss Iroh seems to be unshakable, a dispensary of infallible wisdom. However, he came to be like that through years of learning from his mistakes, years of pain and tragedy, and turning it into deep wisdom and compassion. He shows that we are all human, and our experiences, both good and bad, have led us to be the person we are in this moment. Though things may seem dark, scary, or painful, they will pass. Hopefully, with introspection, self-compassion, and perseverance, we will be better for having those experiences.

“I believe people can change their lives if they want to. I believe in second chances.”